Psalm 91 - More Amazing!!

As I continue to meditate on Psalm 91, I see 4 separate IF - THEN relationships. The first one is verses 1-8:

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
My first choice is to decide to DWELL. Only then will REST come to my heart.
As I DWELL [which is the IF part], THEN I will begin to enjoy that deep REST for which my heart thirsts.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Then I will experience REFUGE: protection, safely and comfort
TRUST is feeling secure which really must come before I am willing to DWELL. Thus I enter a continuing cycle of Trust leading to Dwell and on to more Trust. Each cycle leads to deeper intimacy and thirst for personal relationship with my Father!

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
SNARE is something of which I am unaware, inward and hidden. It is much like my heart attitudes of Pride; Lustful desires for comfort, convenience and control; Unbelief that God can do anything in my situation; and my Self-Righteous attitude that I'm better than you.
PESTILENCE is a deadly, virulent epidemic which is harmful and destructive. It is much like the ever-present Secular Culture which wants to destroy our Christian Values.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

Even in spite of crushing circumstances [relational, financial, physical, spiritual or mental] which I can't understand or endure in my own strength, God is near, present and involved. He will provide the strength, wisdom and ability to walk through my particular "valley of the shadow of death" because he is with me even when life looks hopeless, terrifying and without purpose.

External Radiation to Begin Monday, Feb 2

I received a call yesterday from Dr. Pinover's office.

I will begin external radiation on Monday, February at 9:20 am.

This will be my daily routine [5 days a week] for 39 days. If the schedule holds firm, my last radiation will be on Thursday, March 26.

Again, Anne and I are so very thankful for your continuing prayer support and encouraging notes.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

As I wait

Tuesday, January 13 2009

As I await the start of my Prostate Cancer radiation, I am praising God for his many benefits to Anne and me.
Consider with me those listed in Psalm 103 [personalized]

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--
3 who forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases, 4 who redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies my desires with good things so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's.

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat me as my sins deserve or repay me according to my iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for me as I learn to fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed my transgressions from me.

What does it mean for me to FEAR GOD?

In Genesis Chapter 22 God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, his only son, Isaac. Abraham immediately obeyed. He was about to slay Isaac: 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied. 12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." 13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.

As Abraham yielded, surrendered his RIGHT [Isaac alive and well] to God, I am also to yield my PERSONAL RIGHTS to God. Mine revolve around Comfort, Convenience and Control.
As I go down this road of Prostate Cancer Radiation, God will continue to test the quality and depth of my surrender to him. After all, God owns everything and controls everything. I know that in my head. But God is going for my heart.

I need to develop deeper levels of trust in the days ahead.

Please pray for my heart attitudes that the Fruit of God’s Spirit will be increasing evident in my life.

Today was my 2nd Treatment Planning Session for my upcoming Intensity Modulated Radiation Therapy.

I was fitted for a customized "cast" which will hold my lower legs and feet in position during each radiation session. I received 3 tattoo marks to aid in positioning the radiation beam. I also had a CT scan and MRI.

During the MRI, which took about 15 minutes, I had to lay flat on my back and not move. This position put pressure on my lower back and pelvis; very uncomfortable. What a challenge to my idol of comfort and control. Who is really in charge? This gave me the opportunity to surrender my lower back and pelvis to Jesus as Owner and my Good Shepherd. I am learning deeper levels of surrender of various specific parts of my body through desperate need.

I am learning that since God is both Creator and Owner of my body, he allows this particular pressure, which I can’t manage or control, to check the level of my surrender. You might say it’s like he is taking my temperature as he checks my heart attitude once again.
As you may know, the MRI is extremely noisy even with ear muffs in place. I am so thankful for having memorized large chunks of Ephesians which I prayed back to God in the MRI tunnel.

The time went quickly as I rested in the comforting arms of Jesus. I learned in a new way:

As I dwell in the shelter of the Most High I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
[Psalm 91:1-2 personalized]

THE FUTURE: In 2-3 weeks I will be scheduled for daily radiation.

Thank each of you again for supporting Anne and me in prayer as we wait for the scheduling phone call.

January 5, 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

When I began this series of

1. Prayer requests and
2. Scripture to encourage your heart
   

I thought about doing a BLOG. I started one and then gave up because I did not understand how all of this—being diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, treatment options and now moving into the treatment phase—would work out and how it would impact my life and heart attitudes.

Thus I started an email list which now consists of about 116 names. As new people express interest and join my support team, it is increasingly hard to bring them up to date on what God is teaching me.

Also many of you have replied with notes that encouraged both Anne and me.
Therefore, today I decided to attempt a BLOG. You may access it at

www.he4gives@blogspot.com

It contains all of my previous emails. Unfortunately I was not able to enter them in exact chronological order. I look forward to receiving your comments as we go down the new and exciting path together.

On Wednesday, January 7th I have a second treatment planning session at 9 am. Both Anne and I would appreciate your prayer support for this important session.

In preparation, I have been reflecting more deeply on Psalm 91:1-2

As I dwell in the shelter of the Most High
I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2I will say of the Lord, "You are my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Very clearly this is where I need to make a choice. I will chose to DWELL in the SHELTER of God or I will dwell some place else. As I make the choice to DWELL in God’s SHELTER, an amazing cycle begins and deepens over time.

This cycle is progressive and connects me more intimately with my Father.

1. I must move to this new place of residence
2. Only then will I be able to REST
3. Only then can I say that God is my REFUGE and FORTRESS. I need to boldly and graciously announce this fact publicly.
4. Then I can truly TRUST God
   

Then this cycle repeats itself because I have experienced its TRUTH personally.
God wants me to be ever more intimate with Him. Thus He allows Prostate Cancer to press me more tightly to His bosom.

I am so grateful and anticipate deeper intimacy as He walks with me down this new path. He has been here many times before. He knows the way because He created it and He now maintains it.
Thanks again for your prayer support.

Please feel free to enter your comments on this new BLOG.

December 12, 2008

Dear Family and Friends,

Yesterday Anne and I met with my Urologist, Dr Shibutani.

After a through explanation of all of my test results, he suggested External Beam Radiation and referred me to Dr Wayne Pinover, Radiation Oncologist, at Abington Hospital.

I have an appointment with Dr Pinover on Monday, December 22nd.

In the meantime God continues to impact my heart with His precious word:

Psalms 139:13-17 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

I am so amazed and thankful for how God created me and knows all about each cell and oversees all that is going on for my good.

Please be encouraged that God is in charge and that I continue to FULLY TRUST Him.

In Jesus’ love, Tom for Anne

December 3, 2008

Dear Family and Friends,

I am so thankful for your prayers regarding my recent Prostate Cancer diagnostic tests. They all went well without much discomfort.

Tomorrow, December 4th, Anne and I will visit my Urologist, Dr Shibutani, to determine a course of treatment. I ask that you pray for:

1. 
   God’s wisdom for Dr Shibutani
2. Our ability to listen well and ask the right questions
3. Our ability to discern the right course of treatment
   

In preparation we have read Dr Patrick Walsh’s Guide to Surviving Prostate Cancer. We learned much important information:

1. Every man’s situation is different: no "one size fits all"
2. There are many treatment options available
3. This is a complex and frustrating disease
4. There is no big rush to begin treatment
   

You might ask how am I doing? Here is my answer. I am amazed at the deep peace and joy I am feeling in my heart. God’s Spirit has been lighting up the Psalms in very powerful ways. Here is a sample:

Psalms 124:1-8 [personalized] If the LORD had not been on my side—let Tom say— 2 if the LORD had not been on my side when men attacked me [when I learned of the diagnosis], 3 when its anger flared against me, it would have swallowed me alive; 4 the flood would have engulfed me, the torrent would have swept over me, 5 the raging waters would have swept me away. 6 Praise be to the LORD, who has not let me be torn by its teeth. 7 I have escaped like a bird out of the fowler's snare; the snare has been broken, and I have escaped. 8 My help is in the name of the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalms 119:114 You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

Psalms 121:1-8 [Personalized] I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let my foot slip— he who watches over me will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over me will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The LORD watches over me—the LORD is my shade at my right hand; 6 the sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The LORD will keep me from all harm [harm in my life is my addiction to comfort, convenience and control]— he will watch over my life; 8 the LORD will watch over my coming and going both now and forevermore.

Psalms 127:1-2 Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. 2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves. [I am thankful for good solid sleep each night]

November 30, 2008

Dear Family and Friends:
ome of you know and some of you do not know that I was diagnosed with early Prostrate Cancer on Monday 11/24.

I am writing to you for several reasons:

1. To ask you to pray for Anne and me.


2. To update you regarding my medical situation thus far:

11/19/08 I had a Prostate biopsy

11/21/08 I had a Renal Ultrasound

11/24/08 Dr Shibutani, my Urologist, called to tell me that I have early Prostate cancer, that 5 out of 12 sites biopsied are positive

12/1 [tomorrow] I will have a bone scan

12/2 [Tuesday] I will have a CT scan

12/4 [Thursday] Anne and I will meet with Dr Shibutani to discuss further treatment options
Please pray that God will give His wisdom regarding treatment options. We are so thankful for His sustaining power and presence thus far
Here are several Scripture passages that have been very meaningful to me:
1 Chronicles 29:11-12 (TLB)Everything in the heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything. Riches and honor come from you alone, and you are the Ruler of all mankind; your hand controls power and might, and it is at your discretion that men are made great and given strength.
Psalms 112:4-8 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. 5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. 6 Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. 7 He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. 8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

December 23, 2008

Dear Family and Friends:

We know that you are praying for us and we thank you. Yesterday morning, 12/22, Anne and I met with Dr. Wayne Pinover, Radiation Oncologist at Abington Hospital’s Rosenfeld Cancer Center. He is most personable and well trained in his field of Prostate Cancer treatment. He is suggesting IMRT Radiation which will consist of about 39 daily radiation sessions five days per week for almost 8 weeks.

We are most comfortable with him and this treatment plan. This decision also means that we will not be going to Florida this winter. We believe that it is more important to move forward with treatment.

On Wednesday, December 31st, I have a TREATMENT PLANNING SESSION or SIMULATION to make the necessary preparations for the radiation treatments. During this session 3 gold markers will be implanted to guide the actual treatments.

As I realize afresh that God is in control and that He owns every cell of my body, Psalm 139 becomes even more powerful and personal to my heart. Let me share some of it with you:

Psalms 139 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

O LORD, YOU ARE NOT ONLY MY CREATOR, BUT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. THUS I CAN COME TO YOU AT ANY TIME WITH ALL THAT IS ON MY HEART AND IN MY MIND. I AM OVERWHELMED WITH YOUR LOVE AND MERCY FOR ME RIGHT NOW!

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

THANK YOU THAT YOU GUIDE ME AND HOLD ME FAST. I AM GOING DOWN A NEW PATH. THANK YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THERE AND KNOW ALL ABOUT IT. THEREFORE I CAN FULLY TRUST YOU.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

HOW AMAZING IS YOUR DESIGN AND PLAN FOR ME! ALL I CAN DO IS WORSHIP YOU AND THANK YOU.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
LORD, I ASK YOU TO EXAMINE ME AND REVEAL WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON IN MY SELF-DECEIVED HEART. YOU ALONE HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE MY HEART ATTITUDES. I ASK YOU TO DO THAT SO YOUR SPIRITUAL FRUIT WILL CONTINUE TO GROW IN MY LIFE.
I encourage each of you to PERSONALIZE Psalm 139 with your own story of pain and pressure. Then pray it back to God.

May the presence of Jesus be very clear and dear to your heart as you celebrate his birth.
In Jesus’ love, Tom and Anne

Prostate Cancer email - December 31, 2008
Dear Family and Friends:

12/30/08 While reading Psalms yesterday, I came to Psalm 91. It is one of my favorites. It is very powerful, applicable and instructive. As I thought about it in context of tomorrow’s first Prostate Cancer Treatment Planning Session, I was overwhelmed with its grandeur, majesty and mountainous beauty. I asked myself, "How in the world can I understand it and apply it to my Prostate Cancer?"

I then went to David Powlison’s "How to Meditate on the Bible" and read it from the perspective of Psalm 91. I personalized it and then realized I need to take this one slowly; a few verses at a time.

12/31/08 This morning I reread Psalm 91:1-2 [Personalized].

As I dwell in the shelter of the Most High, I will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2I will say of the Lord," You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

I was struck by its KEY WORDS which I looked up in the dictionary. Here is what I found:
NOTE: My thoughts are in brackets [ ] below each word.

DWELL=inhabit or live in; be an inhabitant of
[I must make a conscious choice where I live each day. This cannot be hit or miss, but must be constant and consistent; a place where I chose to be anchored and fixed all the time, not just when it is convenient or when life is going my way. This is a daily matter of surrendering my heart attitudes which are often the opposite of the Fruit of the Spirit.]

SHELTER=a dwelling place or home considered as a refuge from the elements
[This is a basic necessity, not a convenience or luxury. I will find shelter somewhere. Will it be in my to-do list, in my being superior to others, doing the right thing or will it be in Jesus alone?]

REST=to refresh oneself, as by sleeping, lying down, or relaxing; to relieve weariness by cessation of exertion or labor.
[Where am I Weary right now and why? Where do I Exert myself and Labor? Is this what God wants for me right now? I need to slow down and ask God to search my heart. What am I really living for right now? Soon I will be driving to Radiation 5 days a week for 8 weeks. How will I manage the fatigue? Please pray for me that I will always run to Jesus for rest and refreshment.]

SHADOW=to screen or protect from light, heat, etc.; shade
[What is the light and heat from which I will need protection?]

REFUGE=shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc; to take refuge from a storm; place of shelter, protection, or safety; anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape
[What will the STORM be like in the coming weeks? I am thankful that my Father knows all about it, that Jesus has already walked through my danger and trouble, yet without sin. I can rest confidently that He will be my AID, RELIEF and means of ESCAPE. Please pray for me that I will remember and run to Jesus, my source of REFUGE.]

FORTRESS=any place of exceptional security; stronghold
[I am thankful that Jesus is not only my Refuge and Shelter, but He is my FORTRESS. He alone can stand firm and not crumble in the heat and pressure that faces me.]

TRUST=to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something; to have confidence; hope; to have trust or confidence in; to rely or depend on; to believe
[I am thankful that I can Stand, Sit and Rest on Jesus. He is allowing Prostate Cancer into my life at this precise time: 1. to further grow my Trust in Him and His Word in this new area, 2. to learn deeper levels of need and 3. to share with each of you what I am learning to encourage your heart.]

PS: I ALMOST FORGOT:
Dr Pinover implanted 3 gold markers in my Prostate this morning. They will be used to insure that the radiation is rightly directed.
I have another appointment next Wednesday, 1/7, at 9 am for my 2nd Treatment Planning Session.

PLEASE KEEP PRAYING. I am so encouraged by your thoughtful notes, etc.